Being Nice To Other Women Is Not Weird.

Have you ever had someone say something to you that just made your day? Made you feel special? Pretty? Loved? Cared for? Important? Healed? Honored?

Yesterday, I had an experience that I want to share. After a long and expensive trip to my local Costco, I’m in line paying for my goodies and I notice that the cashier has beautiful naturally curly hair. Anyone who knows me can confirm that I am a curl junkie and follow more natural hair VLOGgers and beauty gurus on YOUTube than I pay attention to the local news on CP24. I digress, as soon as I approach the lady I immediately tell her how beautiful her hair is and that I think it’s absolutely gorgeous. My children were with me but are well accustomed to seeing me dole out a random and deserved compliment here and there or help someone if  they seem to require some assistance so, it’s nothing out of the ordinary for us.  The lady smiles and exclaims a compliment back in my direction, and says she was going to tell me but didn’t want me to think that she was “weird”; the compliment isn’t the point of the message.

I accepted her compliment, blushed and joked that her and I could be weird together because there’s absolutely nothing wrong or weird with being nice to someone. Now, maybe it’s just the Maritimer in me, but I truly believe that to uplift another person’s spirits or ingratiate them through a random act of kindness or care; to simply extend a warm grin in someone’s direction can be a symbiotic experience. Hey, I never claimed to be an altruist…

As women, why do we feel that being openly friendly or nice to someone is “weird”? Hands up, who learned that in kindergarten? I know I sure didn’t, in fact I learned the complete opposite. (Shouts out to Mrs. Terriault!) Better yet, who teaches this to their children, especially their girls? This attitude of coldness and distance has to be corrected within the black community and you know why? Because we need each other.  The same way the adage “It takes a village to raise a child.” is true; women need women to help fortify each other and keep our heads and hearts healthy and strong.

From an anthropological viewpoint, in most cultures, historically women are a social group unto their own. They share in the common responsibilities of maintaining and supporting their respective villages and communities. They rely on each other to share in the birthing then rearing of their children through educating them, minding them, protecting them, helping to heal them and in effect, nurturing them. Although there are certainly social hierarchies, women are valued at least in the eyes of other women.  This is critically important to the success of our geology. We are the caregivers and role models and we are the nurturers. If we don’t demonstrate to our children that to be kind is to be human, perhaps we’re inadvertently teaching them to operate in the opposite code of morality. Perhaps we can use the model of “symbiotic uplift” and take it further by using it as an ideology for our own cultural and educational support.

Here is my challenge: For one week solid, seven whole days, take every single opportunity that presents itself to be kind, supportive, complimentary or simply polite to each and every member of the feminine species you come into contact with. What you get out of it is not the point of the exercise, it’s what we put into it that might create a small light of encouragement for someone else’ sake. The more we uplift and encourage each other, the more supportive our communities become and the more nurturing, support and positive reinforcement our children receive in kind. A strong and supported woman can move mountains. Think about it…

And as we know, Light reflected is enlightenment infinite…

~Rachelle